When I was 21 years old in College in Chicago, I began to experiment with narcotics and alcohol for the first time in my life. I was very sheltered as a young child up to my adolescence. I had moved from Los Angeles to Chicago when I was 17 to get away from a strict life. The first time I tried Vicodin it was innocent, and I only enjoyed it until my dental prescription was gone. I began to drink beer, smoke cigarettes, and smoke marijuana only because I was peer pressured at the time and it made me less socially awkward. I used to to drink then to not be so “shy”, and I smoked and used narcotics to numb the pain of my past. It was also the first time I ever attended a concert and tried “molly” where I was instantly hooked. Later on, before leaving College I was diagnosed as majorly depressed, which I had no idea what that really mean at the time, or what it came from. I moved back to Los Angles in a new relationship that lasted 6 years, which is where the hard drugs began. I really was unhappy to be back in L.A. because my ugly past was there and I didn’t have freedom, nor was I financially stable yet.
I started using ecstasy, molly, cocaine, and Oxycontin when I turned 23. I ended a long relationship which led to my uncontrollable drinking, mainly straight hard liquor. I had no home, and had unhealthy drug-based relationships with men, even though I somehow managed to keep a good job at a bar. During my time at this bar I was already 25-27 years old and quit many jobs leading to this bar, which made things much worse. I got into 3 car-wrecks, two of them being my fault. One - that I can now admit - I was drunk-driving and no one ever found out (No one got hurt).
All the drinking, combinations of drugs, and bad friends led me to incredible debt from bar tabs, medical bills (due to drinking), and the car accidents. I still owe about $25,000 total in credit cards and Medical Bills combined. I met my husband last year in September 2016 and we got married this year in January 2017. He has helped me, and has been patient with my recovery after Rehab, Drug Counselors, and Therapy failed. I tried committing suicide at least 3 times, and have been saved by my family members.
Recently after being Sober for 7 months, I relapsed. My last drink was in November 2017, and because my husband was going to divorce me, I have finally learned a hard lesson in Life. I learned to start acting like an adult and confront all of the consequences I have caused in my life. I enjoy my time now away from Los Angeles and I have moved to Germany to start afresh. I also started “Sober-Pal” - a pen pal platform where people who struggle with addiction or sobriety can communicate all over the world. This has led to a beautiful awakening inside me, and I am truly happy to be alive and sober today. I am learning to love myself and also learning to forget the pains of my past. I now understand why I used to drink and use. It is because I did not love myself, and because I blamed my family for emotionally and physically abusing me when I was a child.
I am now 27 years old and have changed drastically in the last 4 months. I keep myself busy everyday by helping others through writing letters, and I also have many new hobbies: reading, writing, fitness, cooking, etc.) I hope my story will inspire others to really stop using and think about why Recovery is worth attempting.